well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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