Please, let me fuck your mom
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
