oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
