Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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