yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
