What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
