What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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