the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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