If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
