Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i now understand why vodka
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
