she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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