The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
