so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
