I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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