I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
