I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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