i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
