i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
