capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
