i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
