im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
