i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I want you more than these girls want KFC
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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