I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
