If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think I am morally bankrupt
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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