Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
