Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
