One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
