Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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