lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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