he wants to bone in the snuggie
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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