just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
