The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Hippo gnu deer
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize