Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
