the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
