I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
