Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
