Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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