I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
