Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
