He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
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