so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
