WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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