I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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