You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
