Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize
