hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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