Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i now understand why vodka
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
