dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize