I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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