hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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