It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
