Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
