You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
