Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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