Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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