That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I forget how to act sober
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize