all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He did a backflip because drugs
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
