There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You had me at "let me see your balls"
When are your genitals available?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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