I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
