you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize