so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
