You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
