OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize