Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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