Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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