i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
