pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
