oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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