I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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