we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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