I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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