just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
