"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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