My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
