Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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