I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
