I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
