i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
