If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
