My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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