i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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