There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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