so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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