***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
