peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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