did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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