he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
