i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize