I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
