dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
