I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
