long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize