It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
