I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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