I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
