my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
