the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize