I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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