Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
