Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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