just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
