benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
