I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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