I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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