Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
