I didn't shave. On purpose
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My dick has a subreddit
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
