the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
