Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
