just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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