I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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