We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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