Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
