if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
