I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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