You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
