he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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