I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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