three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
