he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
