i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just invented taco cereal.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize